Break-ups suck. Our editor recommends that writers begin with a positive approach. But sadly, there’s no way I can make a break-up sound positive except for the fact that you didn’t settle for less. So, yay!
Now that I’ve made my editor slightly happy, here’s a disclaimer: This is a personal piece. Everyone deals with the end of a relationship differently and breaking up with someone you love is tough and you did it for yourself. So, as long as you’re taking care of yourself, you’re good.
Keeping it together at work
Usually, there are two kinds of people after a break-up: the ones who can’t get themselves to work at all, and those who throw themselves into work so much that they don’t get time to acknowledge their emotions.
I belong to the second type, and it didn’t do me any good.
Conversations around dating at workplaces take place in hushed tones, especially if you’re working in a larger, more corporate setup. Married people feel more comfortable discussing their personal lives. That is because marriage gets more social legitimacy than dating.
It’s fairly difficult for single women to discuss relationships and grieve over their demise while constantly trying to carve a space in the professional universe, no matter what they’re dealing with on the personal front. it’s time we changed that.
Dealing with a hard break-up is challenging enough already. If you are working full time and can’t afford to take time off work, things get messy real quick. Identifying, acknowledging, and accepting your emotions is the only healthy way to gradually be able to enjoy being alone and eventually move on. I learnt it the hard way, but hopefully, these tips will help you be kinder to yourself while dealing with a break-up while working full-time.
Pick a day and sloth it out. Do what you wouldn’t do on a regular day. I despise the days when I’m not productive. If you’re anything like me, you need a sloth-like day too. Sleep in, eat whatever you want, cry it out, watch a cheesy movie. Allow yourself to break the rules that you’ve set for yourself unknowingly. If you can, take a sick leave (or two?) and spend the day like you’re actually sick.
Confide in a few work friends
Everybody’s been through a break-up at some point in their lives and will understand how it is physically impossible to go about your day like nothing happened. So, be the one who starts a conversation. When you feel up to it, go out for a drink with your colleagues.
We unintentionally forget to socialise when in a relationship. This is the perfect time to connect with your work buddies and let them in.
We often connect our self-worth to that one person. Building professional relationships will help you detach your self-worth from your ex and help you focus on how far you’ve come professionally.
Take it one wave at a time
A few days in, when you’re completely occupied with other things in life, you’ll forget about the break-up for a while at a stretch. But suddenly, it will hit you out of nowhere – feeling like large waves coming at you. A sudden memory or a conversation will make you think that you’re back to square one. But you’re not.
The progress is never lost. You’ll learn how to ride the waves. Do something soothing as soon as it hits you. Play a song that you love, doodle, write down affirmations – whatever floats your boat. (One song that helped me was Cry Your Heart Out by Adele.)
Find some fillers
We spend an awful lot of time being with or talking to our partners while dating. When we don’t have that option, we feel sad or sorry for not being able to fill the void. While it’s okay to feel all sorts of emotions, you need to pick things to fill your free time with. Call a friend, spend time with your family, master a recipe, clean your room or binge-watch. Slowly start replacing their company with something or someone else (not hinting at a rebound, it’s a big no-no). I adopted a cat and it changed my life.
Set daily goals
If going with the flow is not your thing, set daily goals. Appreciate yourself for completing small tasks too. Staying hydrated, going for a walk, catching up with a friend – everything counts. You don’t have to push yourself to climb the biggest mountain just now. Start small and take it slow.
Have a pre-work routine
It’s easy to let work monopolise your entire day. You’ll even feel productive towards the end of the day. As great as it sounds, you might be using work as a distraction. You don’t necessarily need a post-work routine because, after a long day of work, you might just want to take it easy. Your sleeping and eating patterns might not be great right now. So, you need to carve some time to be alone with your thoughts. Having a simple morning routine before work will give you a few minutes to connect with yourself and then start the day on the right note.
My recommendation: fresh air and sun!
Rebounds are a hard no
This might get a little preachy, but this is what my therapist told me: “After a break up, you’re not the best version of yourself and you only have a mediocre version to offer another person. If you’re at six, you’ll attract a six. So, wait until you’re back at ten till you enter the dating pool again.”
Finally, remember these when you feel sad:
- Every time you leave something behind, you’re ready to find something better.
- You need to see yourself from your girlfriends’ POV. If they think you’re awesome, you’re awesome.
- Romantic relationships are just like jobs. It takes a while to figure out if it’s a good match. If not, you look for other options. There are literally plenty of them for an exceptional woman like you. *winks*
- Is there a strong woman around you who you think has got her life together? She’s probably been through a vulnerable break up too, and she’s happy today. You’ll get there too.
- You took care of yourself. Be proud of it.
Lastly, focus on yourself. Everything else will fall into place automatically.
Also, hugs. <3