dating, relationships, power balance

The (e)X factor: Should you be friends with your partner’s ex?

. 3 min read . Written by Nruthya Johnson
The (e)X factor: Should you be friends with your partner’s ex?

Selena Gomez snapped a few pictures with Hailey Bieber, and it’s got everyone talking. With headlines screaming ‘Selena Gomez And Ex-Boyfriend Justin Bieber's Wife Hailey Pose For Pic Together, the question on everyone’s mind is this: Should you befriend your partner’s ex?

When asked about it, the Kool Kanya team’s unanimous answer was a very loud ‘NO’.

But then, what of the Selena-Hailey photo? Is there really no scope for a ‘yes’? Can it never truly work out?

Look, we’re all morally obliged to hate our partner’s exes. But it's not our fault we can’t help it and are slightly obsessed with them! What do you have in common? How are you different? Could you have been friends under different circumstances? Are you supposed to pretend you don’t know each other when you see them? Do you really want to dig through your partner’s relationship garbage? If yes, read on.

Why you should be friends with your partner’s ex

  1. To keep a track on them.

Let’s be honest: it’s natural to stalk them every now and again, just to see what they’re up to, even if the stalking started out of pure curiosity. The behaviour is sad and disgusting when done secretly, but how the tables turn when they’re your “friend” who you’re just “checking in on.”

2. You get classified information.

Do you know your partner? Do you really? We wish we knew our partners better than we care to admit, and the tough solution is communication. But who actually communicates? Next, someone’s gonna advise you to pick up the phone and make a phone call. Or write a letter. Nobody does that! The easy way is to befriend the ex, and get valuable information from them.

3. You can drop the whole Mean Girls they-stole-from-me act.

You can trash-talk all you want! Sure, talking about the ex behind their backs is acceptable, but what’s more acceptable? Trash-talking about your friend to their face. Nobody would bat an eye if you called your new “bestie” a b*tch in the middle of the conversation because THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO!

4. You can improve your “taste.”

While you’re judging the ex, it’s always a great idea to highlight why you’re not like them. Sure you don’t have to dislike everything they love, but you can justify going on long tirades of why they’re disappointingly BASIC, and how you’re not. And that is how you become “cultured.”

5. You get tons of brownie points.

Anyone can outright hate their partner’s ex, but how many people befriend the ex and are on good terms with them? Don’t you want to appear to be the moral feminist who takes the high road instead of demonising them just because your partner had a life before you? We’re guessing the answer is a yes. Tip: You don’t actually have to like them; just pretend. Like you do when maasi No. 76 comes up to you at a family function and you have to stop yourself from screaming and plaster a smile on as they ask you when you’re getting married.

At the end of the day, be glad your partner knew them, and that there’s a reason they didn’t make it into your SO's future. You can also look back at their relationship, and find solace in the fact that your partner has definitely upped their standards. They say the best time to figure out what you want in life is right after a breakup. And guess who your partner wanted!

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